My Man

I’m a lady, and like every normal lady my age I spend a lot of time thinking about the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with. To this cause, I’ve made some decisions based on my feelings and sometimes, I look back and I’m not exactly proud of them. I always plan to learn from the last mistake, but then my feelings overwhelm me and I go through the whole cycle again.

Last night, a friend broke the news of how his girlfriend broke up with him and I was broken-hearted too. But then the conversation got deeper and he made me see things from a different light. He made me ponder on some of the wrong decisions I have made.
I love being in relationships as much as I love my single status, many times I don’t know which I prefer. The attention of many guys, or the love, care and affection of one guy. I love having the good-looking ones especially, the ones that make my friends “ooh” and “ah” about their handsomeness and poise, while I proudly blush. I love having my phone ring and having my phone inbox get clogged with random messages as simple as “I miss you” to “Where are you?”.
I guess in more ways than one, I want what many girls want.
But after last night, I discovered that in a husband, its not just about what I want, its more importantly what I need.
Cliché right? Yeah, I thought so too. But its true. I want the hot, fine, christian brother, who is fun-loving too, and knows all the hot jams on the radio and all the happening places not just in the country but in the world. That one guy that will sweep me off my feet and murmur sweet words in my ear… MY PRINCE CHARMING!
But is that all there is to a “future partner”? The glitz and the glam will one day fade away. Ok, you all may say”bright future”, “good job” and so on. But what happens after the job ends? What happens when he comes home from work? What happens when the rubber hits the road? Its marriage we are talking about here, not dating or courtship! I am not planning to contribute to the percentage of broken homes and unhappy children. Neither am I planning to die before its my time, so that means FOREVER!!!

After evaluating all these mind-boggling thoughts, I decided to make a mental list of my needs. Funny enough, I’ve always had one, but when emotions get clouded, out goes the list and then after the initial heat has dampened, I start trying to check off the list and trust me, they never score enough points.
So down to it, what does my list comprise of?
1. A man that prays- There’s nothing that can replace a husband and father that prays. I want to be at business meetings and know that someone is on his knees interceding for me( maybe not literally, but he will be praying)
2. A man that worships in Spirit and in truth- A true believer. I want to be able to “tongue stroll” with my spouse and sing without worrying, and praise without offending
3. A man whose heart is after GOD- when all the money is in the bank, and all the cars are in the garage, and all the grandchildren are calling and life looks like it couldn’t be better, and regardless of all these, he can still fall on the ground and humble himself before God, that’s my man!
4. A man with an ear for God- Sometimes I listen to myself more than I should, and I end up biting my nails in the process. I guess that explains why this is necessary and he has to be firm enough to also rebuke me, not condemn me though
5. Purpose- IMPORTANT!!! I don’t want to get to a point in my life where we are both on crossroads about the next step… I want to share my happiness and dreams with him and be part of his too
6. Love- very important too, but having it alone is never enough.
7. Good looks- hey, I still care about that!
Someone once told me “you want perfect, right? Good luck finding that”. But don’t I deserve perfect, at least we all are striving towards perfection, aren’t we? And it takes a king to marry a queen, right? So what’s wrong in me looking for one of my kind?
Gen1: 23 And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
I want one that is part of me, and I am part of him.

Oh well, all good things come to them that wait. I’ll wait and in perfect timing, I’ll get MY MAN. My Priest, My Prophet and My King. Till then, I’ll just make myself ready and build myself up to maturity for the perfect timing. “He makes all things beautiful in His time”. And if my dreams could be this big, I can’t comprehend what HE really is going to be like, after all “Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do super abundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]” Eph3:20. *wink*


29 Comments Add yours

  1. oyewande says:

    Wow! I had to copy this!

  2. dammy says:

    I am so putting this on my board…. Selah material….

  3. Ms. Doyin says:

    Rolayo!!!!! So you liked it when we were talking about ******’s fineness. :o, you were now forming serious face.

  4. Bisi says:

    U v said it Rolly u v said it..

  5. Esther says:

    This is really good. Brilliantly written Rolayo…:) 🙂 Well done!!

  6. Tobi says:

    Awww…This is so inspiring. 🙂

  7. bukola majofodunmi says:

    i agree with matter the level a woman gets to in life,if she misses it maritally she loses everything.gurl i love dis husband must be a praying type to.but like begat like.we should also groom ourselves physicaly and spiritually to attract our like.gudluck.

  8. Mz_Tee says:

    Nice post. I love how u prioritized what u want in a man. Because most ladies are all about finding goodlooking men, they tend to overlook the other important qualities that really matter(I’m guilty of this but I’m working on it) I’m not saying don’t date goodlooking guys but that shouldn’t be at the top of the list. There should be more to a person than his looks. Marriage is forever, so choose wisely.

  9. Nimi says:

    well said….very well said! This is something one should read every now and then to keep it fresh in the heart.

  10. Prince says:

    Angel i was very happy , reading this Jesus said if a child has a fish from his father will that father gave the child snake.. Paul said all thing are possible thru christ that strengthens me .. Angel and i say to you today go your faith has made you well..
    I have taking my time building lady to come to their mature state , mentally spiritually, and in social life , you see all my effort go astray every one eat my money take my brain and go away.
    I was to emotional when reading your article , i cry to the extent of seeing a queen face.
    GOD ll lead you thru . I care and put all the blame on me for your flexible story.
    Best regards

  11. Amos says:

    My mouths are open nw…great piece,u’ll meet dat man.

  12. folahanlash says:

    You have some conversations innocently, not knowing you may just be sowing seeds for the future… And I was subbed 😀

  13. victoria says:

    Ur jst spoke my heart… *sob* yes dear, i deserve my king… I’ll just wait 4 my own kind makin my self ready n buiding up unto maturity 4 d right timming! Yes, let’s wait patiently 2 be found! Never settle 4 d less, we ar worth much more! Tnks Rolayo, i was blessed!

  14. abdulhameed says:

    Though am a guy, and the same feature here goes with my lady, someone with a very calm spirit like the cool wave of the ocean at night, stunning to every eye, outstanding character who can shape every good guy gone bad. My Heart desire. She is my ambition.

    1. I think you should read my woman then. You’ll love it too

  15. okiki-tomilayo says:

    ……’A man that prays’………..’Worships in Spirit and in Truth’…………’With an ear for GOD’……..these struck me!!!
    Awesome piece,rolly…Please,write more.

  16. Nimi says:

    Had to come back to read this again and i’m smiling coz you got exactly what you asked for. The expectations of the righteous shall not be cut off, ey?

  17. naijawife says:

    your list makes sense! 🙂 I think naijahusbands point is that those qualities you looked for should be the basic qualities of any man (or woman). I for one am put off by lists like “must be six feet tall, have his own house, drive a Benz” etc
    I have a question for you…do you think your man had a list too? if so, do you feel you met it?

    1. Actually he did…
      He was the “friend” I mentioned in this post even though there was nothing going on at the time.
      You can find his post on this blog too, its titled “My Woman”.
      And to answer your question, yes I did.

  18. I Renette says:

    Gentle yet potent, inspiring read. Thank you.

    1. Thank you. So good to know that after so many years this post is still inspiring.

  19. Mayborhyme says:


  20. aimpurpose says:

    Awesome! Reading your blog for the first time and I am wowed at your depth. I believe every woman deserves the kind of man that you ha e described. I trusting God to make me that kind of man!

  21. tosinfat says:

    Thank you for this.

  22. Mobolaji says:

    Nice and inspiring write up…more grace

  23. Tola says:

    Wow , this is so refreshing , I was listening to Dr odukoya about choosing a life partner and he also emphasized that ” that we want isn’t what we really need”. Those words were it for me !

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