Love in God’s House [Finale]


Happy Post- Valentine’s Day!!!
Permit me to do this before I proceed:
Tiwatayo Olufolahanmi Lasebikan
Words will never be enough
So I won’t even try
But I know that if I am left with nothing in this world
With you beside me, I’m beyond satisfied.
Thank you for being mine.

*clearing throat*
Now to WordPress matters, today we’ve come to the close of the wonderful series, “Love in God’s House”. I’m happy and sad. I’m happy cause its been a wonderful ride, sad cause I’ll miss having other people here. I wish we could go on, story after story, but like the saying goes “All good things come to an end”.
I want to thank God for the inspiration behind the idea and every single story. My gratitude to every featured writer(yes, I called y’all writers) Tumininu Ajayi, Ifedayo Afolabi, Tiwatayo Lasebikan, Damilola Dada, Akinwande Onafalujo, Damilola Longe, and Ajoyo Sowande. Special thanks to the man who designed, and designs for this blog Joshua Owopetu. You’re a blessing even when I have to chase you the whole day.
And of course, to everyone who stopped by to read and to those who went a step ahead to comment, thank you. Heartstrings and Keynotes won’t be without you.
Oyah, I have said enough. Today’s story is by me. Please enjoy.

************************

Dear God,
My Bible tells me that You are love and anyone who loves is born of You, and he(she) who doesn’t love, doesn’t love You. I’m here to say I’ve sinned.
I’ve sinned cause not only have I not loved, but I have also lived a lie. I know You know all this, but telling You is supposed to make me feel better and less guilty. So that’s what I’ll do.

I wonder what You think anytime You look down and see Toni and I. Do You and wonder how we’ve strayed too far from the path You’ve marked out for us? Or do You sigh and hope we’ll finally see the signs You’ve plastered on every tree we pass by? Whichever way, You got my attention.
I know Toni loves You. Isn’t that what I’ve always asked for? A man after your heart? A man who would love You more than he would love himself, and even me?
He’s a sweetheart. Diligent, focused, well established. An aeronautic engineer with shares and investments in more places than my mind can comprehend. He has so many degrees to his name, he could make a thermometer jealous. If it’s about earthly wealth, I definitely had nothing to worry about. Then I scratch a little deeper, and he’s rich in heavenly wealth too. His life is a living epistle.
He has never touched me inappropriately, his self-control is astounding. Sometimes I wonder why I’m so lucky. Sometimes I wonder why he’s so perfect.
Why this guy would pick me out of all the “sisters” in the church?

I thought his family would dislike me, seeing as they all looked stuck-up from their pew in church, instead they welcomed me with open arms. His mother practically gushes over me. She tells me about what her grandkids would look like and how she would spoil them even if I protested.
They accepted me as one of their own from the first time Toni introduced me as the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

I know I’m supposed to be thankful. I have what a lot of women stay on their knees for- a man after Your heart, decent guy, lovely family, not to talk of his good job and his good looks.
I love the idea of Toni,but I don’t LOVE Toni.
It took me four years and nine months to finally come to this realization, but I’m glad I did. I now understand why it was hard for me to make sacrifices for even the littlest things like anniversary dates; why it was a task saying “I love you too” when I knew it would brighten his day. The mere thought of being “Mrs. Adenuga” someday sounds good to my human senses, but my heart stays ice cold.
I guess its because I never felt what I thought I did. He has good “prospects” but he’s not what I want. He has big dreams, but I don’t see myself in the picture.
God, I’m scared. I’m scared cause as much as I am not in love with this man, I don’t want to let him go. I’ll break his heart, and that of every member of our families. Where will I find another like Toni?
A man who cooks and cleans without me asking? And who gives me a phone call telling me that he feels we should pray for my brother’s “O”-Level exams? I mean, he remembers MY parents’ anniversaries before I do!
Writing this down in words makes me sound more stupid. Like I’m sure the easy answer is “What will satisfy you?”. But God, I’ve been existing and not living in this relationship.
I adore and respect Toni but he’s not my partner and neither is my side-kick. He’s more than a big brother, but all I want is a best friend.
I want someone that doesn’t make me feel like I have to constantly stay in a shadow of his bright light, but instead we’ll shine together. Maybe I sound undeserving, but…
I’m in tears as I write this. What am I to do?
I’ve given You my plans for too long and I’ve asked You to bless them, just like Abraham’s Ishmael, but now I want you to give me Isaac. I want Your plans for my life.

This morning, I saw a notepad on his coffee table, and it contained a poem he wrote for me. I guess he wants to propose tonight at his sisters’ wedding anniversary dinner.
Lord, help me. Please.

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21 Comments Add yours

  1. olayinkam says:

    Wow! Deep.

    I enjoyed reading every story. I believe the inspiration behind d series is God waking up His church to love rightly.

    God bless you.

  2. ranchosblog says:

    Le Sigh™. Keep him, or let him go. Please let me not talk. This has happened to too many people I know.

  3. Dele says:

    Give yourself a brain and Marry him, better to go ahead with this than regret not marrying him for d rest of your life…

  4. yinka akiwale says:

    Rolayo’s put into words, the sheer enigma that love can be; as well, it seems to emphasize (emotional) integrity. I have no idea where Rolayo got her inspiration, but I think its a well written, touching story, on the subject of love

  5. amos says:

    huh…..so sad…4 years 2 realize,6 months wud have helpd matters…..kai,may this not happen 2 ny gentleman

  6. anonymous says:

    Hmmmm…… This is my first time commenting on your series as much as I have enjoyed dem all. Kudos to all d writers.
    I must say dis is the best( guess d saying dat d best is always reserved for d last is true).
    Well….., this is deep and sounds lyk wot so many of Us even the married ones can identify with, buh here r the questions
    1.Wot kept you with him all these years? Were you trying hard to love him or you kept hoping that the love will miraculously develop one day?
    2.Did the lady experience a break up with a guy that she really loved before starting on a new ride with this guy?
    Because as hard as it sounds ladies never let go of guys that they truly love even if he’s the stingiest on earth and the next guy is “mr generous and totally caring”
    3.”…..the mere thot of Mrs adenuga”
    R u sure u aint scared of the future generally?, cos the thot of staying married to som1 especially being a christain, and our environment where divorce is not an option could really be scary and confusing.
    Plus…… Is there som1 else you’ve pictured as being “Mrs…….” to and thinking of it makes you think of a beautiful future surrounded with beautiful and handsome kids??
    Welll lemme take a break from all the questions cos dis issue is real and happens a lot these days….. But the advice is, its ur decision my dear, buh God can give u a clearer picture.
    1. Ponder on all those questions alone, write the answers down if possible(funny but it helps)
    2. Pray to God about(yeah I kno evri1 says how do I kno what God wants) buh pray like som1 who really wants an answer to a question
    3. DO NOT ACCEPT that Ring 4 now, give excuses to be absent @ dat program.
    4. Take your time to make the decision( You kno the Right one).
    Wish everyone including myself d best of Gods Guidiance in our relationships.

    1. Rolayo says:

      Thank you for this.

  7. I’m not sure of the origin of this statement: “A woman should marry the man who loves her and not the man she loves”. The prayer/hope is that they are the same. However, what if they aren’t. It sounds selfish, but I’ll say, woman marry him and discipline yourself to be a good wife.

    1. Rolayo says:

      “I may not marry the man I love, but I pray I love the man I marry”

  8. amos says:

    a thermometer will get jealous….guys dat hot are quite scarce oooo…..berra marry him,nd dive into love…..tiwa,u’r a lucky man ooooo…….

  9. etyro says:

    Love is a choice, choose to love him.

  10. supoadesina says:

    Its a nice write up rolly!!! I think she’s should not have led him on…and I think as a guy you should know if a lady really likes you…..4years should have given signs for d guy to know if she likes him or not…but for the lady, I think if a guy loves you that much, it is safer…and it would be wise to negotiate with your preferences

    1. supoadesina says:

      Typo..first line *she*

  11. ajoyo says:

    Rolayo, it was a pleasure being here to add to your many meaningful ramblings..i look forward to future collaborations. (In the mean time i’ll be getting back to my blog)….as for you..the girl….don’t accept that ring. Come clean with Toni, and hibernate until you are sure you want him.

  12. AKK says:

    Lovely story Rolly! Thnx 4 d privilege to share d spotlight with you for a little while. However, it (the spotlight) evidently belongs to you.

    Just in case u want my opinion on d issue:

    i won’t give it until she has answered d following questions:

    1. What is love?
    2. What is the place of emotional attachment in love?
    3. Who is she holding on to?
    4. Does she know him @ all, does he know her?
    5. What is she really afraid of?

    1. anonymous says:

      Hmmmm…..
      Deep questions……
      Again I say hmmmmmm…..

  13. Okechukwu Erinne says:

    wow! looks like everyone’s got the writing talent but only a few develop it. I’ve not followed the series…now I wonder how much I’ve missed…but this one is beautiful!

  14. tolutimehin says:

    A dicey situation

  15. folahanlash says:

    Young lady! Stop making decisions by your emotions and be led by the spirit instead. God is love and choose to love him like God would do first. Then seek God’s face and think like God would. Until you are sure of what your spirit would want you to do, don’t take that next step.

  16. its beautiful but so sad
    its like everyone has said something but i will just add my 2 cents.
    i think i know that feeling and if its been four and something years and you cant still bring yourself to love him, then just wait a while and pray. isolate yourself and pray like you need an answer right this moment, at this time. God wont give you a man that his rhythm doesn’t rhyme with yours..i don’t know if you might not concur with me but i believe if God can make our hearts concur with his(alpha and omega), then if he’s yours, he’ll bring in that love. so though it tarry like the bible says, it will surely come. so wait for it
    i wish u all the best…xoxo
    first time here…will go and read the rest..lovely
    i have a series i’m writing on my blog too.
    http://www.glowingscenes.wordpress.com

  17. Akin Lawson says:

    Hey Lady,I know its a few months late:) but as the sayin goes……..

    Everyone makes valid points. Love is a choice yes, and yet it isn’t
    Love conquers all yes, but yet misunderstood.
    Be with someone that makes u who you would like to be rather than someone than someone that makes ur heart jump. If one person can do both then great.

    Do you know how many ‘love’ marriages end up miserable, cos the love was misunderstood and hapiness was hoped for, rather than lived?

    On the flip side, do u know how many ‘arranged’ marriages end up lasting a lifetime with both parties growing in love and respect for each other (well maybe cos they are stuck sha…)

    Many people confuse their worldly heart desires with the spirit, and fail to believe that their thoughts can be ordered from above too.(At least I believe so)

    That being said, if she really thinks she can’t be happy with him, then let she should let him go.

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